The Dog-Horse and Banana Oil

September 19, 02

Normally, no matter where I go, I have three dogs racing and jumping around my feet (and a cat draped across my neck coming along for the ride). I'm apparently not paying enough attention to our Golden Retriever, Riley, though. He has invented an unusual new attention grabber.

He is my second Golden, and I have come to the conclusion that Golden Retrievers are exceedingly handy with their noses. When they want attention, they poke, nudge, prod or kick you with their nose, then stare you down with those big brown eyes, and proceed to attempt telepathic communication while fanning dust bunnies across the floor with their tails. All of this is normal behavior.

This past week, Riley has adapted a new tactic. I can't take ten steps across a room without him coming up behind me, wedging his head between my legs, so all of a sudden I have a dog head protruding from my anatomy where there shouldn't be one. Now this isn't all that bad when he decides to walk right along with me. It is not unlike riding a horse bareback without reins. But lately he has discovered that he can bring me to a screeching halt (and it's not my heels that are screeching) by throwing his head upward to look at me while assuming a sitting position, thereby providing an impassable post suddenly placed in the most effective position to cease any forward progress in the lower part of my body. My upper torso seems to continue in a downward arc, though. Tain't cute folks!

Well, after one too many repetitions of this move when I got home from work one day, I decided that what he needed was a good wrestle/romp in the grass. So we all went out and rolled and played like puppies for a good hour.

Upon coming back into the house, Deb took one look at me and reacted, in what seemed to me to be an overly chagrined manner, at the new green stains appearing on the elbows, knees, shoulders and rump of my office clothing. I guess I had forgotten to change into my barn clothes for the romp, so I was in the doghouse once again.

To make amends, I needed to demonstrate that grass stains were no big deal and could easily be removed. So I started searching the Internet again and found that my timing was incredibly fortuitous. The textile experts at Cornell University had just posted their laboratory-tested details on removing 250 different stains (from adhesive tape to wax crayon and wine) with products that can be found in most grocery stores or pharmacies (http://www.human.cornell.edu/units/txa/extension/removingstains.pdf).

So I copied down the recipe for grass stains and smugly presented it to Deb, thereby proving that she had totally over-reacted, and that it was no big deal.

For those of you who find yourselves in similar trouble, I present the Cornell University solution to removing grass stains:

Blot first with banana oil (amyl acetate), then blot with detergent solution and flush with water; blot with ammonia solution and flush with water; blot with vinegar solution and flush; sponge with alcohol, blot and flush; remove final traces with bleach solution as many times as it takes, flushing with water after each application; apply vinegar solution to remove excess chlorine, then flush with water.

They say that this should work most of the time, especially if the stain is fresh.

Easy right? I must have been sweating as I watched her read this recipe because she very politely took an armfull of grass-stained clothes and dabbed my face with it from across the room.

This makes the procedure for removing skunk scent seem like a breeze!